tedium

...
Today, I did not accomplish much in the way of super-exciting-box-related-stuff-that's-also-fun-to-write-and-read-about. Mostly, I played that checkers-esque game of moving boxes around, over, under, and on top of each other, and exchanged some boxes in the blue room for some others in the bedroom. I wanted to make space, and to survey the surroundings for a clue to the elusive next step.

Only I am to blame for the lack of focus exhibited here recently, and I'm blurring the rituals and schedules of many other aspects of my life as well. I'm not sure if it's due to a list full of fun and exciting things that need crossing off, or the normal routines of everyday life, or the big question marks hovering over the big decisions facing me in the weeks and months ahead, or my general laziness and love of blowing things off.

I suppose it might also be due to not allowing myself enough "fun time." When I'm unemployed, it's so easy to slip into an unexamined useless laze-about life of leisure that I may push myself to fill all of my days with meaning and accomplishment which, as we know, leads a person to feel burned out and unfocused.

As some areas go blurry, though, other areas sharpen into my consciousness, and I am drawn to pursue them even as I let other, beloved, pursuits slide. I have never been good at limiting my commitments, and I have often longed for more hours in a day or more days in a week, that I might be able to master all of my loves and still leave myself time to do absolutely nothing productive.

Or maybe I'm just making excuses for the fact that I got distracted tonight by something (of which I'm still unsure) and then forgot to return to the blue room and apply myself to the task I had scheduled for today's Project entry.

Which now, it seems, will have to wait until tomorrow.

And so it is.