i think i killed it

 
I have been trying to puzzle out what, exactly, might have caused the erratic course of the paperwork timeline, for tonight I unearthed:

• Unemployment paperwork from my last tour of duty through the battlefields of joblessness in 2007. I'm only a little nervous about the similarities between that time and this one. And to answer your question, yes, this blog is totally made possible by the fact that I have very little to do with the time I used to spend hating my job.
  

• Itinerary packets (directions, show details, flyers, receipts) from the Jen Scaffidi and Customer Service Pacific Northwest Tour 2006 and my solo tour in 2005.
  

• All the medical records from when I broke my neck playing guitar in 2004.

However! Timeline weirdness aside, many entertaining, interesting, funny, or just plain weird items surfaced this evening, including a print-out of this Mike Doughty blog post (2007). If you are a writer, especially of fiction or poems or songs, do yourself a favor and read it, as it is written by one of modern songwriting's great writers discussing one of modern poetry's greatest practitioners, Sekou Sundiata. I think about the advice contained therein often, and like to remind myself that we "owe no allegiance to the facts." You should also watch the video of Sundiata that's posted there and feel inspired to create something. This print-put is getting taped to wall right... now.

One night, about three years ago, The Sister, Jewbles, and I traveled up to South Lake Tahoe to see our friends Broken Salvation play at Whiskey Dick's. Many strange moments occurred that night, as one might expect when one is hanging out post-rock show with fifteen people in a tiny sketchy motel room. This particular evening has come up in conversation several times, in several different environments, lately, but tonight I was reminded of one forgotten aspect: the Bible.

Drunk boys like to destroy things, and they also like to relive their destruction, so no one really bats an eyelash when one of them, say, puts a Bible in a microwave. And turns it on. And then takes it out, steaming from the microwave heat, and starts tearing pages out of it. (Now, I normally try to be culturally sensitive, and respectful of religious things, and I come from a Christian home, so I don't necessarily condone this kind of activity, but I will admit that destruction is fun to watch.)

That night, the drunk destructive boy handed me a page, saying, "This one's for you!"

Check it out (click to enlarge):

whoa.

Yeah. The Bible hates me. That night was fun anyway. But I guess you should probably stay away from me, because apparently, Proverbs 5: 3-21 says I will destroy your life.

Other weird things I found:

A postcard created in the kids hands-on learning section of the Nevada Museum of Art during the "chair" exhibit.

enjoy my minimalist tendencies

A coupon good for free recording at Sequoia Studios:

what's the expiration date on this, Treb?

One issue of Highlights magazine from August 2007:

why?

I have no idea why I have this, but I'm putting it in the bathroom reading drawer to confuse people anyway.

Oh wait... a vague memory... a hint of an idea... I think The Sister swiped the Higlights from a doctor's office or a daycare center to show me how dramatically Goofus and Gallant have changed since we were kids:

1980: I always thought Goofus looked like Eddie Haskell

2007: how's a kid supposed to tell which one is the bad one?

And, finally, these:

Is it wrong that I'm hungry now? And that I kind of want to make these recipes for fun? At the very least, I think Potato Salad Log deserves a shot. I'm putting these in the recipe cupboard where they belong.

I can only imagine that these recipe cards were either a gift-with-purchase from Archie McPhee or somehow related to Wendy McClure's blog about her experience with some 1974 Weight Watchers' recipe cards. These recipes aren't from Weight Watchers, though, so I don't think she sent them to me, and the link to her old blog is now broken, but if she ever puts it back up again you should read it, because it is pee-your-pants funny.

Tonight's session was cut short because I thought I blew out the motor in the shredder. As I was typing this entry, though, it revved, all by itself, with no humans guiding it or paper inside of it, like it was ready to go again.

Um.